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Figuring out how to be in love is a daunting task.  One thing seems to be certain; the way that we view love in this collective human consciousness could use some refreshening.

I am a strong believer in doing what is right for oneself.  Following the crowd or doing what has been done in your family for generations can lead to needless suffering.  So I set out to obtain a better understanding of who I am and what I really want from a romantic relationship.  The Universe recently sent me some lessons to refine my understanding of love.  When those lessons came to an end, I came away with three new understandings.



It is all bout the Spiritual Connection

I came to realize that my ultimate goal is to be in a relationship that provides a dope Spiritual Connection (Spiritual High).  Of course a Spiritual Connection can be obtained individually, but it is enhanced when you combine your experience with someone who wants the same things out of life that you do.  You can see the impact of combined spiritual experiences all around you; it is the hype at sporting events or the vibe during a jam session.  A Spiritual Connection allows you to see more of God, more of the beauty of nature; it allows you to be loved and free at the exact same time.  It allows you to see and understand things with clarity.  A Spiritual Connection allows you to be the best version of yourself.

Access Points

There are countless access points (people, substances, situations) to the Spiritual Connection/ Spiritual High and each access point will give you something different.  I briefly dated a guy (access point) but I recently ended things with him.  In the past, I would have either held on to  (or married) this limited access point in hopes of changing him.  Thank goodness I am no longer that girl!  I simply realized that this access point is not the one for me.  Sure there were some good things; the attention and affection were nice, but there were too many contaminants.  I did not want to corrupt my Spiritual connection with blaming, inconsistency or constant disappointments, so I let go.  Thankfully, it only took me 2 months to recognize the obvious this time instead of 9 years.  This was not the access point meant for me, and that is okay.  I hacked in for a brief time but I moved on when it was necessary.

I also came to realize that I am an access point as well.  There is someone out there looking for my exact qualities; it would be a shame if he could not find me because I am  “connected” to the wrong outlet or trying to fix something that does not belong to me.  My time is better spent upgrading and maintaining my Spiritual access point (myself).

Set Your Intentions

The connection that you are seeking belongs to you, so you must figure out exactly what you want.  Some people want to be married with 2.5 kids, others want to remain single, travel the world and have a boyfriend in every city.   Both choices are valid, but imagine if the world traveler somehow ended up with the 2.5 kids living a stationary life of endless soccer games and potato salad.  There could be some misery in her future after the honeymoon phase wears off.  Taking the time to set intentions allows you to see what you don’t want from 10 miles away so that you can duck into an alley and save yourself.

Our desires tend to change over time and that is okay too.  The point is to be sure that they are your desires, not what society or your mom says you have to do.  Look around; the Universe allows everything to go on, even things that we consider bad.  Rules are self-imposed, so set your own rules and boundaries.  Set your own love intentions.

Pay Gratitude:

Although things did not work out with the guy, I am grateful for him.  He will be the perfect access point for someone, but not for me.  He allowed me to put my new and improved boundaries to the test in real-life.  I communicated more effectively than I think I ever have in a romantic relationship.  I am thankful to the Universe for sending him my way and for nudging me to end it when it was clear that this was not my access point.

I am also grateful for what I have learned about myself.  I can be in a relationship and still be an individual.  I can commit without giving myself completely away.  I can say what I want and what I need, and it is okay if the other person cannot give me those things.  It does not make my needs invalid nor does it make me needy.  It makes me a human looking for the access point that is right for me.


For me, love means letting him be.  If I love him, I won’t want to modify him, cut him down, make him stay, cancel his plans or make him dress a certain way.  To love him (for me) means to respect his beauty and his gifts.  It means to be honored by his presence and grateful for the time we spend together.  To love the person (access point) is to pay gratitude to all of the ways that he connects me to the Spiritual Realm.

I don’t subscribe to the “love takes work” theory.  Love is love; you do not have to make it or do anything to it.  Learning yourself takes work; commitment and compromise takes work but not love.  If you love someone, you just do because love is just love.



Published by Essential Her

I am a happy and creative soul.

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