I once liked a guy. I could not tell if he liked me in the same way, so I asked him. He did not.
Before I asked the guy, I was fearful. I spent countless hours attempting to untangle the mixed signals that went on between us. I overthought it of course, as was my tendency. One day on social media, I saw a post that said something to the effect of “if you want to know, just ask”, so I did. It was not the answer that I was hoping for of course. Indeed there were tears and what’s wrong with me type shenanigans for a few hours, but there was also immediate freedom. I had faced my fear and survived. Who knew.
Most of the time, fear is just a big bully. It over-exaggerates itself to keep us intimidated and huddled in the dark corners of it’s imaginary shadow. Once I faced my fear and survived, I realized it was not that big and bad, so I moved on to other things that I had been avoiding because of fear. What about the guy that did like me, the one I kept on the hook because I was afraid that no one else would ever want me? I released him with love and light. I would no longer allow fear to stand in the way of his happiness or mine. I was learning how fear worked, how it could steal months, years or even lifetimes of happiness all because of it’s exaggerated posture in society. We had it all figured out in grade school: do you like me? Yes or No- check the box. It was just that simple. Make your decision and move along.
Adulthood can cause us to play games and wear masks that are no longer fun and innocent; they can be hurtful. Often times when I view adults with an intuitive eye, I can see them at a much younger age. It reminds me that we are all evolved from childhood; somewhere along the way we got a big shove into this adult reality whether we were ready or not. Sometimes we came carrying duffle bags full of fear…am I smart enough? Am I good enough to even try? What happens if I fail? What if no one likes me?
I am so grateful that the guy told me the truth. I have the deepest respect for his honesty. In hindsight, I can see that this entire interaction was a major player in my spiritual evolution. We communicated and behaved with maturity. Of course it was a bit uncomfortable, but we both honored ourselves and our feelings. He did not play games or pour sugar all over the situation; he did not take advantage of my vulnerability. He was kind and honest. For this, I am eternally grateful.
This human interaction taught me that in most cases, fear is completely overrated. Of course you do have your alone with a bear in the woods moments where a healthy dose of fear is warranted. In your typical everyday should I say hi moments, fear is basically being an asshole. Of course you should walk over and say hi- you’re a human speaking to another human- it is not as serious as fear makes it out to be. Should you start the business you have always wanted? Of course you should! Once you have your vision, start working on the small pieces that it takes to get started. There is victory in each of those small moving pieces. Every time that you make a step forward, you are stepping out of the shadow of fear and rendering it weaker and weaker until finally it is gone. Write the book, submit the screenplay, ask the guy out. If it doesn’t work out the first time or even if it doesn’t work out the way you wanted it to at all, you conquered fear. You faced it head-on and realized that you are greater. Fear cannot create so it tries to suck the life out of your creations. Don’t fall for it.
I send love and light to everyone who is walking away from situations that once held them in fearfulness. It takes courage to step out of the sidelines and into the arena of your own life.
To say that I have it all figured out would be complete non-sense. There are days when I have no clue what I am doing or if I am doing any of it right. In those moments, I proceed with love; with self-love and with love for others. We are all vulnerable because we are all human. Love neutralizes fear and allows us to go on with our lives.